Discernment Counseling

If you or your spouse are considering divorce but are not completely sure that’s the best path, you are in a tough spot. And Discernment Counseling is designed for you. It’s a chance to slowdown, take a breath, and look at your options for your marriage.

Discernment Counseling is a new way of helping couples where one person is “leaning out” of the relationship—and not sure that regular marriage counseling would help--and the other is "leaning in”—that is, interested in rebuilding the marriage.

As a Certified Discernment Counselor, I will help you decide whether to try to restore your marriage to health, move toward divorce, or take a time out and decide later.

The goal is for you to gain clarity and confidence about a direction, based on a deeper understanding of your relationship and its possibilities for the future.

Discernment Counseling is not couples therapy. The goal is not to solve your marital problems but to see IF they are solvable. You will each be treated with compassion and respect no matter how you are feeling about your marriage at the moment. No bad guys and good guys.

You will come in as a couple but the most important work occurs in the one-to-one conversations with the counselor. Why? Because you are starting out in different places.

I will respect your reasons for divorce while trying to open up the possibility of restoring the marriage to health.

I will emphasize the importance of each of you seeing your own contributions to the problems and the possible solutions. This will be useful in future relationships even if this one ends.

Number of Sessions: A maximum of 5 counseling sessions. The first session is usually 2 hours and the subsequent are 1.5 or 2 hours.

Discernment Counseling is not suited for these situations:

When one spouse has already made a final decision to divorce
When one spouse is coercing the other to participate
When there is danger of domestic violence

Is Discernment Counseling
a Good Fit for Us?

It may be a good fit if:

One partner is leaning toward ending the relationship, while the other is leaning toward staying
You are stuck between staying IN LIMBO, separating, or pursuing couples therapy
You'd benefit from a structured, time-limited process (1-5 sessions) to slow things down and gain clarity
Both partners are willing to look at their contribution to the problems

It IS NOT a good fit if:

Both partners are committed to working on the relationship (in this case, Couples Therapy would be a better fit)
Both partners are already decided on separation or divorce *Individual therapy and/or divorce coaching would be a better fit in this case
One or both partners unwilling to reflect on their own contribution to the problems

Discernment Counseling

Is Discernment Counseling a Good Fit for Us?

It may be a good fit if:

One partner is leaning toward ending the relationship, while the other is leaning toward staying

You are stuck between staying IN LIMBO, separating, or pursuing couples therapy

You'd benefit from a structured, time-limited process (1-5 sessions) to slow things down and gain clarity

Both partners are willing to look at their contribution to the problems

It IS NOT a good fit if:

Both partners are committed to working on the relationship (in this case, Couples Therapy would be a better fit)

Both partners are already decided on separation or divorce *Individual therapy and/or divorce coaching would be a better fit in this case

One or both partners unwilling to reflect on their own contribution to the problems

Is Discernment Counseling
a Good Fit for Us?